The Relationship Between Sex and Self Worth

If you had asked me a few years ago what 'sexual healing' meant, I would likely have stared blankly, frozen with embarrassment, and blushed. I would also have found a way to change the subject as quickly and as gently as possible. The topic of sex intrigued me, yet it confused me, and any conversation about it made me deeply uncomfortable.

I also lacked any reference point for the notion of healing in this area. More importantly, I had no idea there was any link between a woman’s sexual ease or comfort, her confidence, and her sense of worth.

Like many women in Western culture, I was taught that good girls do not do that while bad girls do. Much of our childhood and adolescence went into trying to shut down, push away, and sever any connection to our knowledge of and desire for sexual pleasure. We did this to avoid being labeled bad. That label carried a host of unwelcome consequences I wanted no part of.

Out of fear of cultural judgment, we can tear ourselves into a thousand pieces and sort them into boxes marked 'ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR' and 'UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR'. Then we bury those so called bad parts, those unwanted fragments, deep within our psyche, hoping no one will ever find them or decide how bad we really are.

The reality is quite different. We cannot cut off any part of ourselves without feeling that fracture and the ache it leaves inside.

Somewhere in that box labeled 'UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR' lie aspects of our personality that may be ESSENTIAL to our sense of worth, to accepting ourselves as we are, and to the wisdom our souls intuitively know.

Those fragments of the soul, vital to a healthy, whole, and empowered sense of self, lie buried beneath layers of sexual guilt, shame, and misinformation. They can be reclaimed by exploring and allowing our capacity for sexual pleasure to come to light.

Make no mistake. There is a research backed connection between sexuality and a woman’s sense of self worth. Studies show that when a woman feels able to think about sex she enjoys, when she anticipates sex, when she focuses on creating such experiences, when she feels in charge of her sexuality, when she understands her body, and when she trusts she will reach orgasm during sex, her brain receives a boost through the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine.

For the science enthusiasts, dopamine is a neurotransmitter that fuels motivation, confidence in one’s own judgment, and most importantly a sense of self awareness and self assurance.

In my own experience, once my sexuality was freed from culturally imposed shame, fear, and guilt, new channels of self knowledge, acceptance, love, and self respect opened.

Now, naturally and without forcing anything, I feel whole, more connected, and worthy of happiness, peace, and other good things across every area of my life.

The fact that my personal sense of self worth is directly connected to my sexuality came as a great surprise at first. As the layers of guilt, shame, and confusion fell away, I began to view the world with calm and clarity. I also believe that everyone should have this experience because it is our birthright.

I would value your thoughts. Do you believe our sexuality is connected to our sense of worth. Has anyone among you experienced a similar path to healing.